Martin Seligman ( Author of this book) is considered as father of positive psychology movement . Psychology profession before him was focused on fixing mental illness in the people . He was instrumental in shifting the paradigm of psychology to increase positive emotions for regular people. If you’re planning to read one book on happiness I would recommend this book. The book answers the following questions:
Why bother to be happy?
In evolution, negative emotions ( fear, sadness, and anger) are our first line of defense against our external threats. Fear is a signal that danger is lurking, sadness is a signal that loss is impending and anger is signal that someone is trespassing against us. A fight to the death is a win-loss game and natural selection favored the growth of negative emotions for this reason. Then the question comes why nature has given positive emotions.
The author quotes from Barbara Fredrickson’s research that positive emotions broaden intellectual, physical and social resources building up reserves we can draw upon later when a threat or opportunity presents itself. It causes much better behavior with a spouse, friend and at work causing win-win encounters.
Where is evolution headed (purpose )?
The universal picture of political changes over the centuries all across the world, is from savage to barbarian to civilization. This is a progression with a increase in win-win situations. Progress in history is not a straight line to win-win but backward sometimes (world wars), but resulting in a net movement forward. The human future will be happier than in the past. In the balky progress towards greater knowledge, goodness and power (win- win) humanity is headed towards acquiring omnipotence, omniscience and goodness ( for religious people god).
Happiness equation:
H=S+C+V
H= Enduring level of Happiness ( Not temporary pleasures like food, sex etc.,)
S= Set range
C= Circumstances of your life
V = Voluntary activities (Factors under your control)
Roughly half of your score on a happiness test is based on the biological parents (set range). The studies on identical twins and kids separated from biological parents showed nature trumps nurture. When we are elated/happy we still return to the set range within a small period of time. This is even true when you have a temporary set back in life. This set range always always keeps you from increasing the happiness level.
Circumstances: Good news is some do change your happiness. The bad news is changing them is usually impractical and expensive.
1: Money: Extreme poverty is cause for misery but after a certain level of income ( enough to take care of basic necessities) additional income will add little to your happiness.
2: Marriage: Married people are happier than singles. If you’re in a unhappy marriage your happiness is lower than unmarried or divorced.
3: Social life: All happy people have rich and varied social life.Being more extroverted or a gripping conversationalist, causes both rich social life and more happiness.
4: Negative emotion: If you have lot of negative emotion in life you may have somewhat less positive emotion than average, but you’re not doomed to a joyless life. Similarly if you have a lot of positive emotion, this only protects you moderately well from sorrows.
5: Age: Young people report more happiness than old. Both “feeling on the top of the world” and being “in the depths of despair “ become less common with age and experience.
6: Health: Single chronic health problem will bring back to happy state in a year. Individuals with 5 or more health problems will have their happiness deteriorates over time.
7: Education, Climate, Race and Gender- none of these matter much in happiness levels in longer term. Sunny climate do combat seasonal depression
8: Religion: Religious people are less likely to abuse drugs, spouses, kids, commit crimes, divorce and they live longer.
Voluntary activities (By effort you can increase happiness from these activities ):
www.authentichappiness.org has tests which will give your satisfaction with the past.
Satisfaction about the past: Satisfaction, Contentment, Fulfillment, Pride, and Serenity that you feel about the past. There are three ways you can lastingly feel more happy about your past:
1: Let go of the ideology that your past determines the future. The Freudian theories of this past impacts have been debunked. Letting go of this ideology will remove passivity imprisoning us.
2: Forgive past wrongs. This will diffuse bitterness that makes satisfaction possible. Technique you can use:
REACH
Recall the hurt in objective manner
Empathize Try to understand from perpetrators point of view why this person hurt you
A stands for giving altruistic gift of forgiveness. Giving this gift make us feel better
C stands for commit yourself by writing a letter of forgiveness, no need to be delivered
H Hold on to forgiveness. Don’t dwell vengefully on the memories and don’t wallow in them. Compose a document of forgiveness and read it as memories arise
3: Increase your gratitude about good things in the past
Technique: Write a letter for someone who you are really grateful for and read that in front of them and audience . This creates a wonderful memory for both parties.
Optimism about future: Positive emotions about future include faith, trust, confidence, hope and optimism. There are two important dimensions in the explanatory style of a pessimists and optimists when bad or good events happen.
For pessimists causes of the bad events that happen to them are permanent and universal.
e.g.. No one (universal ) is ever(permanent) fair to me
Pessimists explain causes for good events happening to them as temporary and specific
e.g: I got a good grade in math (specific) because I was lucky one time (temporary)
For optimists causes of the bad events that happen to them are temporary and specific
e.g.. Diets won’t work when you eat out (temporary)
prof Seligman is unfair (specific)
Optimists explain causes for good events happening to them as permanent and universal
e.g: I ‘m talented ( permanent cause)
My broker knows Wall street (universal)
Finding permanent and universal causes for good events with temporary and specific causes for bad events is the art of hope for the future.
Once you recognize that you have a pessimistic thought/ adversity that seems unwarranted argue against it using the ABCDE model.
A Adversity definition . Define adversity clearly
B Belief: What was the belief that is leading to pessimistic thought . Write down clearly.
C Consequences: What are the consequences of the pessimistic belief .
D Disputation: Dispute as a lawyer the pessimistic belief get the evidences and alternative causes for adversity. Identify implications and usefulness of belief to take it down
E Energization: Energize by this alternate explanation.
Happiness in Present: It consists of indulging in two distinct things
a: Pleasures ( ecstasy, thrills, orgasm, delight, mirth, exuberance and comfort)
b: Gratifications ( no raw feelings but they engage us fully, we loose self consciousness)
Enhancing Pleasures: Rapidly repeating the same pleasure does not work. Inject in your life as many events that produce pleasure as you can, but spread them out, letting more time elapse between them.
Savoring: When you seek out experiences with others tell them how much you value the moment.
Take souvenirs or mental photography and reminisce later
Self congratulate your self
Absorb: Totally immerse and try not to think but just sense.
Mindfulness: Mindful attention to present in slow state of mind improves pleasures
Gratification occurs when you use strengths and virtue in a task and loose consciousness. Time stops and you improve as task finishes. ( Refer to the book summary of flow). They require skill and effort.
Strengths and Virtues:
It was believed that the character was the foundation from which all human actions came from during the Victorian era. Then came Freud, Marx who explained the environment is the cause for actions. But later Psychologists proved Nature ( Character ) has more to do with the human behavior than Nurture. The author along with other psychologists came up with six common virtues after reading through religious texts. They are:
- Wisdom and Knowledge
- Courage
- Love and humanity
- Justice
- Temperance
- Spirituality and Transcendence
There are several ways to achieve each virtue.
Strengths:
www.authentichappiness.org has 20 minutes of tests that will identify your strengths. Strengths are ways you can achieve the virtues. They are measurable and can be improved upon.
- Wisdom (Curiosity, Love of learning, Judgement, Ingenuity, Emotional intelligence and perspective)
- Courage (Valor, Perseverance, and Integrity)
- Humanity (Kindness and Loving)
- Justice (Citizenship, Fairness, and Leadership)
- Temperance (Self-control, Prudence, and Humility)
- Transcendence (Appreciation of beauty and excellence, Gratitude, Hope, Spirituality, Forgiveness, Humor, and Zest)
Once you identify your strengths, exercising them in work, love, play, and parenting is critical to our happiness.
Work:
1: Choose Your work to use your signature strengths
2: Recraft your work to use your signature strengths and being in flow
3: If you are an employer, choose employees whose signature strengths mesh with work they do
4: if you are a manager, make room to allow employees to recraft the work within the bounds of your goals
5: if any adversity happens at work remember to use optimists explanation of temporary and specific cause for your adversity
6: Competitive sports and war are both eminently win-loss games. If work is filled with win-loss situations, it leads to pessimism at work. You can use individual heroics along with team building to turn situations into win-win .
7: Make sure you turn the job or career into calling with all the above techniques
Love:
Generally, humans look for economic benefit in the tasks they undertake. Love is one emotion which breaks this behavior and ensures survival of species.
Positive psychology gives the following tips for an already solid marriage to make it robust and happier:
Partings: Before couples say goodbye each morning find out one thing they each going to do that day
Reunions: At the end of each workday they have low-stress reunion conversation
Affection: Touching, grabbing, holding and kissing all laced with tenderness and forgiveness
One weekly date: just the two in a relaxed atmosphere at least 2 hours a week
Admiration and appreciation: Genuine affection and appreciation were given at least once a day
For each of three strengths you choose for your partner, write down a recent admirable incident in which she displayed the strength.
As we realize our partners faith we will feel validated and work harder
Remember to use an optimistic explanation as discussed above when adversity strikes. Listening and speaking attentively, identifying partner’s strengths are crucial in increasing our happiness
Raising Children:
Positive emotions in child can be observed before we can recognize strengths and virtues. They broaden and build intellectual, social and physical resources that your children draw upon later in life.
Eight techniques for building positive emotions:
1: Sleeping with your baby will create a secure attachment for kids. The sense of being cherished and loved will grow in the child. They grow into Secure adults. Secure adults have high self esteem and few self doubts.They have intimate relationships.
2: Playing Synchrony games: When babies do some stuff just imitate them. This will increase esteem in the baby as they realize their actions matter. Toys like rattle etc., are based on this principle.
3: Saying ”No”: Try to limit saying ”No” to dangerous situations. Avoid ”No” if it is just an inconvenience. Saying ”No” will lead to freezing in kids and lack of mastery.
4: Praise and Punishment: Love, affection, warmth, and ebullience should be delivered unconditionally. Praise should come contingent on success. Grade your praise to fit accomplishment. While Punishment for bad behavior should be given , kids should know the exact action that caused it.
5: Sibling rivalry: To reduce sibling rivalry involve elder kid in the nurturing of younger one.
6: Bed time Nuggets: Time before child falls asleep is precious. Make sure child recollects the best things happened on that day before he sleeps.
7:Making a Deal: When kids want a particular item and you want a particular behavior of him changed you can make a deal. Use this rarely.
8: New year resolutions: Rather than correcting negatives use positive changes as resolution. e.g. I will teach myself piano this year.
Strengths and virtues can be developed in kids. identify strengths through website www.authentichappiness.org. Reward all displays of any of the strengths. In your family activities give a chance to your child to display these strengths.
Rating 4 star out of 5 stars ✨